|it upsets me to have to worry
||[May. 20th, 2010|03:50 pm]
i am a flawed person. when god made me he made me a good person, but with my share of imperfections. when i let someone into my life i allow myself to care for that person, and when i do, it's intense. yes. i will worry a lot and think about all the 'what ifs' that may befall whoever it is i was caring for.|
but it only means that i hold you in such a high regard, to be able to care for you, and also, to trust that that person is able to handle the situation. i worried a lot when i was with naz, i really did. she is extremely outgoing im sure everyone knows that. you always wondered if she might end up in the company of a human trafficker. but i trusted her, i really did. when she had her late nights and i was cooped up in camp i had a good night's rest eventually.
it's the balance, between caring so much for that person, so so much, and giving the amount of trust that that person deserves, which is hard to reconcile. because, if you care for a person, you'd always want to make sure that that person is okay.
it's a step by step approach. you let someone in. you start caring. you worry because you care. and it upsets you to. then there'll come the actualization that whoever it is you're caring for, they can take care of themselves just as well. so even though you (i) still think about everything and anything that can happen that worries me, the trust is that much greater than the worry.
which means that you really have to earn my trust well.
and this, is why im flawed. i put people up on a pedestal and trust that they can do great things. because when you expect so much of a person and put in so much trust surely you're setting yourself up to be disappointed eventually.